


Loki x Bulimic!Reader

by fawninthewoods



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers - Freeform, Clint - Freeform, F/M, Loki - Freeform, Loki/reader - Freeform, Marvel - Freeform, Marvel Cinematic Universe - Freeform, Natasha - Freeform, Thor - Freeform, Tony Stark Has A Heart, laufeyson - Freeform, loki laufeyson - Freeform, lokixreader, mcu - Freeform, tony stark - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 12:23:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16017851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fawninthewoods/pseuds/fawninthewoods





	Loki x Bulimic!Reader

The tower was quiet. Tony is at some party, Natasha is practicing with Clint, and Thor is god knows where eating pop tarts. And I’m here, alone in the tower, eating. Because that’s the only thing I can do. Eat. I don’t want it, but I somehow must. It’s unnatural, the urge to stuff myself with food. But at least I’m alone, so no one can judge me.  
I open another pack of cookies, even though I don’t want to. I already had so much food.

My heart is racing and my veins are visible through the skin on my hands, but I don’t care. My stomach is literally about to explode, but I don’t care. I need to eat more.  
I haven’t had these cookies in a long time, and I’m enjoying them…kind of.

How this happened? A stupid comment from a stupid bastard. Loki Laufeyson to be precise. Just this morning, when I walked out of my room, confidently showing off my new pants, when that jerk made a comment about how my thighs grew in size. Tch, and I like the bastard. I like him with my whole heart, but that comment really caught me off guard.

So, I’ve been waiting all day until this moment. Everyone is gone, and I can do what I want. And if that’s stuffing myself with food, then that’s what I’ll be doing. I imagined this night to go a little different, but somewhere I accept this.  
I’m almost done with my chocolate chip cookies, but I still don’t feel satisfied at all. So far, I only had sweet things, but now I need something savoury. I toss the package of the cookies aside, and walk to the kitchen. I grab a pan and turn on the stove. I grab some eggs and milk from the fridge. I don’t even bother to properly mix the two. I crack the eggs and throw them with the milk in the pan, and mix it with my fork.

A minute or two later the eggs are done and I walk with the pan to the table, and start eating straight from the pan. I’m so full, but I want more. I notice a few tears streaming down my cheek, but I try to ignore it. I don’t want to be a pathetic crying eater. I feel like a beast, a monster who can’t stop herself. I feel like I’m the most pathetic human on this planet. Eating as much as I can, just to throw it up later. All the people who have nothing to eat. And now I eat so much but It’ll all go to waste.

And I try to stop it. Every day I think that it’ll be the day I won’t purge. I won’t binge. But then I eat a small thing and it’s like all the good intentions are gone. Like I already screwed it up with the small thing I ate, I might as well eat more and throw it all up later.  
I know it’s bad, and that’s the most horrible thing about it, I know what it’s doing to my body. But when I’m stuffing myself, I don’t care at all.

No one knows from the Avengers. And no one will know. As I’m not skinny, they’re not suspecting anything. Although sometimes I have the feeling Loki notices something. He commented on it a week ago, saying that it’s strange how I always take a shower after eating. Luckily, I got away, and told him I don’t like the smell of baking on my body.   
At nights when I’m alone, I don’t even bother to take a shower. No one will be able to hear me anyways. So I eat, and eat, while watching videos on youtube. Just like I’m doing now.

My heart almost stops when the door to the kitchen opens, and the one and only Loki Laufeyson walks through. I stop eating and look with wide eyes towards him. He looks around the kitchen, noticing the empty bags of candy, ice cream, cookies, cinnamon rolls, and finally his eyes land on me, eating eggs straight out of the pan.

“What the hell are you doing?” He asks. The question isn’t really coming through. I’m just thinking about how I won’t be able to throw my food up later.  
I completely ignore him, grabbing the now empty pan, and throwing it in the sink.

“I asked you a question.” He says annoyed.

“And I choose to ignore it.” I say and I grab the empty bags and packages, and throw them in the trashcan. How am I going to be able to purge now? Just take a shower? Then he’ll definitely notice something’s up. My stomach is so full, and round. And I’m already getting hot flashes.

“Why is there such a mess here?” He asks as he grabs an empty package from the floor. I gasp and walk towards him, making an attempt to grab the package out of his hands, but he holds it up too high for me.

“You ate all of this?” He asks, almost mesmerized. That doesn’t make me feel any better. I sigh and give up trying to grab the package.

“It doesn’t matter, I’m going outside for a walk.” I say, seeing that now as my only option. I did it a few times, that’s how desperate I was to throw up my food. And that’s how desperate I am to do it now. I look at the clock. I only allow myself to wait an hour max. Then I need to have it out of me. I grab my coat, but Loki stops me.

“I’m coming with-“ I don’t even let him finish his sentence.

“No you’re not.” I say, almost too fast.

“Yes I am. I’m coming with you (Name).” He looks at me with a stern look. Somewhere I can see panic in his eyes. I want to cry, right here in front of him. And I almost do. I feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Loki looks so concerned.

“No,” A sob escapes from my lips. “You’re not coming with me.” I say, and I walk out of the kitchen. I jog towards the stairs and run down.  
I need to get it out, I need to get it out of me right now.

Outside, rain is pouring down, but I don’t care.

“(Name)!” I hear Loki behind me, but I keep jogging. This way I’ll burn off the calories as well!  
I feel trapped inside my mind. I turn around, seeing Loki not more then 5 meters away from me.

“Leave me alone! It’s all your fault. You think you’re funny with your stupid comments but you hurt people Loki, You’ve hurt me!” I say and I run into the small park. It’s late at night, so there are not many people around. I walk towards the three know from childhood. It’s big enough to shield my body from the rain, and from Loki. Without hesitation, I stick my fingers in my throat, pressing my other hand in my stomach. The food comes up, and it feels like a relief. I feel free.  
I keep going until I can’t anymore. Until I feel satisfied. Until I see all the food I ate, lying here in front of me on the wet ground.

I stand up straight, feeling a bit dizzy, but I ignore it. I walk around the three, wiping my hands on the wet bark. The rain is almost gone now. 

“Why, (Name).” I jump at the sound of hearing Loki’s voice.

“It’s none of your business.” I say, as I walk past him. Loki grabs my arm before I’m able to walk away.

“(Name),” he says and he pulls me into a hug. 

“Since when did you became soft?” I say with a small smile. My heart flutters and I can hear his heart beating as well. 

“I’m-“ I hear him sob, which makes me look up. I see tears in his eyes.   
“I am so sorry if this is my fault (Name).” He says. I sigh. 

“It’s not your fault, I was just upset.” I say as I rest my head back on his chest. I begin to cry softly. 

“It is my fault. I shouldn’t have made that comment this morning. I didn’t mean for it to slip out of my mouth like that. I did mean it in the most positive way there is. Because honestly (Name), you look so amazing.” He says. He rests his chin on top of my head. I pull him even closer to me. 

“Thanks, I guess.” I don’t know what else to say to him at this moment. 

“Accept the compliment. Because it’s the truth. (Name),” He pulls back and forces me to look at him. I see his face sadden as he notices my tear stained cheeks. He wipes my tears away with his tumb. 

“I’m going to help you (Name).” He says.   
“I’m going to make sure you’re going to be better.” 

“But I’m not sick Loki.” I say, slightly frustrated. 

“You are love.” 

“I’m not! I’m not thin like other girls. I don’t exercise obsessively. I’m not on the verge of dying!” I say to him as I take a step back. 

“But do you really want that (Name)? Do you really want to die?” He says with a more stern voice. Tears still stream down my face. So what if I do. What if I want to die? Do I actually want to die? 

“You don’t need to be thin (Name). You should be glad you aren’t. I’m glad with how you look now. I love you the way you are. But I’m not glad with the way you are hurting yourself (Name).” 

“I’m fine.” I say. I wipe my tears away with my sleeve. I turn around and walk to a bench which is only a few steps away. I sit down, too tired to stand. 

“I don’t believe you. You are a terrible liar.” Loki says and he sits next to me. 

“Guess you have to learn me how to be better at it.” I say. Loki flashes a smile, before looking serious again. 

“I saw the results of the blood tests (Name). If you don’t stop this they’ll have to force you. I can’t watch that happen.” He says. 

“You saw them? I’m sorry Loki. I try to stop it. I really do. But every piece of food opens the binge gate. I really try.” I say. I feel so hopeless. 

“There’s the problem.” He says. I look him into his eyes. 

“What?” 

“You’ve been trying alone all this time. Let me help you.” He says. Before I can say anything he holds his hands up.   
“I know you’re going to say that you don’t need help. But you do. I’m going to help you.” He finishes. 

“Why does the god of mischief wants to help me?” I ask, smiling. He laughs and pulls me into a hug. 

“Because this god of mischief hates seeing you in pain.” I smile and I bury my head in the crook of his neck. 

“I love you. Like, I really love you Loki.” He pulls back and looks at me. Shit, I shouldn’t have said that. He doesn’t feel that way. 

“I love you too (Name).” He says. I sigh in relief. Maybe this will work. Maybe I’ll be able to fight it. But the worst thing about bulimia is that it’s really easy to hide.


End file.
